With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
