girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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