we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
