I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
