so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
