I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
