I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
