I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
