How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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