You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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