Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
