Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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