cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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