My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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