Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
