Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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