So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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