dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
