I molested 6 butterflies tonight
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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