I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
