It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
