We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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