He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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