Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
