the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
God, I missed his penis.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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