first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕