i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
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I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
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I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.