she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!