Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
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I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
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If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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