Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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