i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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