ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
