We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
