dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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