I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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