God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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