you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
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It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
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Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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