Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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