Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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