Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
