In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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