Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
