You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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