Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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