Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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