I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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