what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
