we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
