He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
His hands were made for my vagina.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
