I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
