i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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