Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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