Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
