i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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