I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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