last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize