Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
