Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
