how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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