How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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