just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
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