I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
