so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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