I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
