i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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