We're like a lot better than the average bears
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
