Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
