I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
