Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
